How familiar are you with your emotions? Are you ever feeling some type of way, yet not really aware of your emotions? Do you just react instantly to something because of your emotions? Did you know that if you don’t process your emotions it can create all kinds of illness and dis-ease in your physical body? Sorry to bombard your ass with so many questions, I just want to help you ignite that self-awareness light within you. Are you seeing a theme here yet? 🙂 If you have a hard time expressing your emotions..well shit…hopefully this post can help you realize it’s okay to be emotional. In fact, it’s more than okay, it’s imperative to help restore balance within you. If you already do well with your emotions and have no problem crying around about shit, then you’re like me, and just know again, it’s okay and you’re not alone.
Years ago, I had someone say to me that I was ’emotionally unstable.’ I remember thinking, f&$k youuuuu!!! And then I got all mad and rank and reacted accordingly. I’m gonna keep it real, ALWAYS; for along time I would hide my emotions and if I drank alcohol or did drugs, it wasn’t pretty usually. I was mostly an angry drunk, and when I was addicted to hard drugs, I wanted to get into fights with anyone who was down for it. I just want to be clear, I didn’t always fight and I was NEVER proud of my behavior afterward, but it was enough to realize I needed to get my shit together because nobody else was going to do the work. I grew up with people telling me things like “you’re so sensitive,” or “you’re too emotional” and in turn created this belief system and story that something was wrong with me causing my suppressed emotions to get the best of me. This was one of my main reasons to change my life and give up what no longer served me or my highest good, which was booze, drugs, unhealed emotions, and toxic relationships.
Emotion: energy in motion. I almost did this post on how everything is energy, but followed my intuition and here we are. So, just a brief background in order to explain the release of emotions a bit better. Everything is energy. Or spirit. Or vibration. It’s no longer a quiet knowing in this time space reality. That’s it. I’ll get more into it next time. Haha. The point I’m trying to make is; if emotions are energy in motion and we aren’t allowing ourselves to process and release them in healthy ways, then where is this energy going? I am obviously speaking about negative emotions, not all emotions are negative. If you answered “in my system” then ding ding ding you got it, and no sorry I don’t have a prize for you. When we are unable to release the emotional energy it stays in our energy system and works to disrupt our mental, emotional and physical health. Chronic health problems are results of disruptions and energy imbalances in our emotional, mental, and spiritual realms. Chronic mental and physical health conditions are a lot of the time, unresponsive to conventional medications because the root is NOT at the physical level. Candace Pert explains in the book Molecules of Emotion, how negative emotions inform our bodies. There are certain peptides and hormones released by emotions into the physical body which enter the cells and affect their functionality. So that means if you’re walking around with a shit ton of bottled up emotions, there’s a good chance your mental and physical health are not balanced as they should be and your cells (which we have trillions in our bodies and I can easily do an entire post alone on the importance of cell knowledge because I love that shit, but I must stay focused) never get to rest. They are always being affected.
How do we know which emotions need to be released? How do we know what emotions are affecting us? Well, for one thing, self-awareness. Like I have been saying, you need to know who you are at your core, and most importantly, you need to care about how you FEEL.
Let me give you an example of how your emotions that need to be released can surface, and if you are self-aware will be able to transmute them.
13 years. It was about 13 years I spent searching the streets for my mother. As soon as I got my licence I would take a drive down the well known streets of the city where many of our people struggled with poverty, addictions, and prostitution. As much as it was a conscious choice of mine, it was already a deep belief in my subconscious that it was my responsibility to watch over my mother and brothers. I never felt good doing it and I never felt good after the fact–whether I would find her or not. If I did, I would honk the horn and pull over. She would come to the window and say hi for a few minutes, and on a good day she would even sit in the passenger seat, chat and hug me before she left. Most of the time she was high, in a rush, or selling drugs and on the lookout–so conversations were brief. It was torturous in a lot of ways when I look back on it. Driving around to make sure she was still alive often left me in tears, like I didn’t deserve to live the life I was living(which wasn’t amazing but I was trying), hurting for my mother and extreme guilt.
During those 13 years, it wasn’t just my mother I searched for. My older brother was added to the roster after he started drugging with our mom, and so when searching and checking on one, I usually found the other. Seeing my brother in this way was heartbreaking because we were very close for many years after we reconnected in my late teens. It was like I had lost him all over again. This also created a tremendous amount of guilt within me. I have been living on my own since 17 and my youngest brother was only 15. I just wanted to be a ‘normal’ teenager more than anything and I didn’t do a very good job at taking care of him. He’s in a tough place to this day. More guilt.
After 13 years living in this cycle over and over–I KNOW–TOO– DAMN–LONG I finally decided to stop putting myself through such torture. I realized it was holding me back in a lot of ways, and I was allowing it because I am responsible for my own life. More guilt. The day I allowed ALL of this guilt to surface, I was sitting in my car parked in front of the place where my mother and older brother lived, and instead of going in I decided to call them, ya know to check on them. They were both still alive. We had a brief chat and after I hung up I had this heavy heavy feeling in my body and all I felt was GUILT.
I sat there in my car watching the people outside the building, watching cars go by. I just sat there comfortably uncomfortable with my guilt. I didn’t really have a reason to stay there. I kept seeing all these licence plates with numbers on them, 222, 333, 999, 000, 777, and 111. The synchronicity of these numbers were like a light bulb flickering in my mind because I knew what they meant. I took a deep breath allowing all of the repressed feelings I had come to surface…accompanied by memories of searching and searching for my family for years. It was like boom boom boom quick memories, and with each one a feeling. Anger. Sadness. Confusion. Resentment. Worry. Fear. Empathy. Guilt. I let the tears fall down my face as each memory crossed my mind creating movement in my body for these feelings to be released. I felt a sense of relief. My whole body and mind shifted. I took a deep breath and started to drive away, and in that moment a picture of my younger brother imprinted in my mind and as I turned the corner I spotted him walking into an ally. It had been months since I’d seen him. I pulled over and got out of the car. I gave him a hug for a few minutes and could feel his pain as he tried to hide it. I dropped him off where my mother and brother were and told him I loved him.
I knew in that moment it was the last time I would search for any of my family. I knew I was ready to let it all go. I knew I was there for a reason. I was healing. I felt a deep knowing that I could not be a light for myself or any of them if I was choosing to suffer also. I knew I could no longer use my guilt as an excuse to not live my life fully. I knew I’d always love them no matter what, even from a distance because I was already doing it. I was filled with gratitude for the lessons they taught me and I silently thanked them. I thanked the Creator for helping release and transmute my repressed emotions as they were no longer apart of who I was and who I was becoming.
Each time you cry you are shifting the energy of your emotions. Each time we write down all the things you are angry about, or the fears you have, or the guilt you feel and then burn it; you are shifting the energy of your emotions. The reason is, because everything is energy, and I’m not even coming from a spiritual perspective at this point–science shows it. Einstein told us. Quantum Physics tells us. Energy cannot be destroyed or created, only transferred, so it needs to be transferred on an elemental level. Again, these are no longer ancient secrets because of the time–space– reality we live in. Many people around the world are waking up to help with bringing more awareness to this shift in consciousnesses. Are you one of them? You cannot heal what you are not conscious of and this is why self-awareness is so important. I am an avid supporter for those who are on their healing and spiritual journeys back to themselves. I tell clients, “It starts with you.” Not your parents, not your partner, not your friends, not institutions, not jobs, not politicians, not your relationships–YOU.
If you can start paying attention to how you’re feeling, why you’re feeling the way you are, and some of the ways to get the energy of these emotions moving so you can let them go–then I would say it’s a good start. It’ is not easy work and I often call it ‘heart work,’ but as you release, always look for what it’s teaching you, and when you’re ready, express gratitude for the experience, no matter what it is. One last thing, don’t be afraid to ask for help, we all need support.
How do I know?
I’m Living Proof. 😉
The only proof you need is you–but how will you know if you’ve haven’t done the work?
Love to all.
*If you are interested in an Intuitive Coaching Session, or an Emotional Freedom Techniques(EFT) Session to help shift your life, you can send an email to email@example.com for a 15 minute free consultation to discuss how I can support you on your journey.*